Who Am I Being ?

Who am I being right now? Who was I being in that situation? These are questions I ask myself every day? I want to know. If I am interacting and the interaction feels uncomfortable--who am I being that this feels so bad? Over the years I have created many images of myself which I find myself defending, attacking, or portraying to others. In my book, The Road Home, I call these false views of self. The Arbinger Institute, authors of Leadership and Self Deception (a must read book), call these self justifying images.

A few weeks ago I found myself in a conversation where the other person became very impatient with me. I, then, became impatient with her impatience. I called attention to her impatience and made it clear I didn't like it. The next day I asked myself: "Who was I being that the person talking to me became very impatient?" The answer came: "I'm the kind of person who deserves to be treated with respect". This person wasn't giving me what I deserved, so obviously she was out of line.

This is the kind of thinking that gets us into more conflict. A Course in Miracles says there are only two kinds of thinking--love and fear. In love, I am caring and responsive toward myself and others. I am able to see the good in the other person. In fear I feel threatened and resistant both toward myself and the other. I tend to add up the faults of the other person and, of course, affirm my virtues. I tell myself this other person is disrespectful, impatient, unappreciative of me, and doesn't listen. I tell myself that I am respectful, communicating well, and would never treat her disrespectfully. This is how the image justifies itself. Does this sound a little silly? I hope so, because it is silly. It is also common, everyday, insane communications between people.

Here's the rule of thumb: if I think someone else is a problem person, then I'm the problem. This doesn't mean people don't do inconsiderate and even horrible things. This doesn't mean that I never talk to someone else about their poor behavior. It means that my discomfort, my anger, my resentment, and my irritation are not about them. Who am I being that I felt and spoke and acted the way I did? As Stephen Covey has said: "How you see the problem is the problem.". Yet, it goes beyond perception. It's who I am being that is the problem.

If I am going through my day and I feel great, my relationships feel great, and I feel in alignment with my Self I get to say, "Great! I'm doing it. I'm in the flow. I'm responding to people and to life. I'm expressing love." If things aren't going well, people are impatient with me, and I feel uncomfortable, I get to ask myself the question: "Who am I being that these things are happening?" Am I the kind of person who prizes suffering? Do I maintain it by refusing to forgive others? Am I the kind of person who likes drama? Am I starring in a drama where everyone else is wrong and I, alone, am right? Am I the hero who is going to set everyone else straight? Who am I being?

There are many self justifying images that people create. Examples include "I am the kind of person who is hardworking (not lazy), compassionate (not selfish), smart (not stupid) or not appreciated (for all that I do). We find these images in areas where we are particularly sensitive, defensive, or emotional. My example is the image that I am the kind of person who deserves respect. If this is the image I am managing then I will be on the lookout for disrespect. When I think I'm getting disrespect I will be angry, resentful, irritated. I will tend to interpret the moods of others as disrespect toward me. Wherever I carry this self justifying image I will spend my energy demanding respect rather than giving it. I will focus my energy on me rather than the other person. I will resist people rather than responding to them. I will feel threatened and fearful, and my behavior will arise from a place of fear and threat. If a person offers me disrespect, my demand for respect will not encourage respectful behavior. It will invite disrespect. But, you may ask: "Don't you deserve respect? What does one do when receiving disrespect? How do we motivate someone to be respectful?"

These are good questions. A Course in Miracles says that fear is a call for love. I have the option whether or not to answer the call. I answer the call by responding. I respond by taking the focus off me and putting it on the other person. I may ask what the problem is. I might tell the other person to back off. I may sense a deeper issue in the person and speak to it. I may let it go and not say anything. It is not what I do that makes the difference. It is who I am being in that moment. If I am responding from a place of caring about the well being of this person; of acknowledging their needs and concerns being as important as my own; and of doing what intuitively feels right, then I will respond with love. Whether my behavior is soft or hard is not important. Love can be either. Responsiveness can be either. This is not about portraying myself as a caring person (another self justifying image). It is about actually caring.

It can be difficult to get past our self justifying images because we have spent so many years crafting and protecting them. The truth is, these images are a lot of work to keep up. We must be constantly vigilant and on the defense. Wouldn't it be great to let go of the job of image management and just respond to people. Once you have decided to become aware of self justifying images and let them go the results are immediate. You extend an open invitation to all others to do the same. A sense of ease flows through you. Relationships become easier when you are responding, recognizing the humanity in others, and seeing the good in them. Others begin changing because you have given them someone different to respond to. Your love inspires, uplifts, and enlivens each person you encounter. It's not what you do for others that uplifts them; it is who you are being.

by: William Frank Diedrich

6 Tips For Saving Gas

In the past months we have seen the price of gasoline soar higher than ever before, and this can be hard on people who have a budget that is tight. Even though gas prices have come down a slight bit, you still will want to do everything you possibly can to save on the money you have to pay out for gas. There are a variety of ways that you can save gas, and save money.

Tip#1
Start Carpooling Carpooling is a great idea for fellow students and fellow employees both. If you can find people that are going to the same place you are you can save gas by riding together. It may be a good idea to trade off on who is driving from week to week so no one person gets stuck having to drive all the time. If you have to take your children to school or other functions you can also work on trading off with your friends and neighbors to take them there.

Tip#2
Public Transportation If it is possible you can take public transportation to work instead of driving your car. Not only will this save you money on gas, but you will also be able to relax and not worry about having to drive through all that rush hour traffic. You may even be able to fit in a quick nap on your way to work or on your way home.

Tip#3
Price Shop Often it may be so convenient to buy your gas at the small gas station just up the road, but to save some money on gas you may want to check the prices at other gas stations that are nearby as well. Even if the difference is only a few cents, after putting hundreds of gallons of gas in you vehicle each year, those few cents are going to add up to quite a sum of money. Tip#4 - Get Moving You can save some money on gas if you start walking to where you are going, or you can ride a bike as well. You will not have to worry about paying to park your car, and the exercise will be great for you body. If you are walking or biking you will not have to worry about those huge traffic jams either.

Tip#5
Take Care of Your Car It is always important to take care of your car so it gets the best gas mileage possible. Also be sure to plan where you are going before you go so you will not have to backtrack and waste gas. If you can, you should use your air conditioning as little as possible because using it takes more gas. Roll down your windows and you will use less gas.

Tip#6
Check your Tires It is important that you check the air pressure in your tires as often as possible. If your tires are too low, or the pressure in them is unequal it can make your car burn more gas. You should also be careful how you drive. If you take off from every red light very fast you are going to burn more fuel, so it is best to take off a little slower. These are a few tips that can help the money conscious person to save money on gas. Even as gas prices drop, these tips can still help you to save more money. Conservation is important, so take advantage of these tips, save money, and save gas.

An Udderly Ridiculous Home Remedy

Doug Smith

Copyright 2005 by Doug Smith

Home Remedies - Facts or Quacks?

That's what I recently asked myself. Myths and legends often
have their basis in a grain of truth. So I wondered if home
remedies, alternative treatments, and folklore cures might
also be based on truth. A little research provided these
astounding results!

Itching For A Cure

Edward Jenner is widely credited as the father of the smallpox
vaccination. However, twenty years earlier in 1774, a quick-
thinking English farmer named Benjamin Jesty saved his family
from smallpox using some pretty unorthodox methods.

Waiting Until The Cows Come Home

In 1774 the highly infectious and deadly smallpox disease was
epidemic. Farmer Jesty, immune to the disease because he had
survived it in childhood, feared for the lives of his pregnant
wife and children. Many country folk knew that people who had
previously caught the milder disease of cowpox from an infected
cow did not catch the normally-fatal smallpox disease.

A Desperate Plan

Frantic to find a solution before his family caught the disease,
Jesty took his family to a nearby farm where cows were infected
with cowpox. He injected his family with diseased cowpox cells
from the cows. Because vacca is Latin for cow, this procedure
later became known as vaccination.

This Isn't Bull

The mild cowpox disease came and went in the children. His
pregnant wife had complications and required the aid of the
local doctor. His family did not catch the deadly smallpox
disease, but word leaked out. Poor Jesty was ridiculed by
his neighbors, who expected his family to turn into cows,
or at least grow horns!

Edward Jenner was a tireless crusader in promoting the
benefits of smallpox vaccination. However, it was a
desperate farmer who used his quick wit and country
folklore to save his family 20 years earlier.

Regardless of who history credits, this home remedy
definitely rates as a fact rather than a quack!

(You may reuse this copyrighted article provided no content
is changed - other than line length - and the author's box is
intact. All links must be active hyperlinks or made active.)

================================================================
Doug Smith is a Chemical Engineer and the webmaster of
http://www.SuperHomeRemedies.com You get free & natural home
remedies for fungus, lice, acid reflux, cold sores, yeast & more
at Home Remedies
Stay up to date with our Home Remedy News Blog at Home Remedies News
================================================================

About the Author

Doug Smith is a Chemical Engineer and the webmaster of
http://www.SuperHomeRemedies.com You get free & natural home
remedies for fungus, lice, acid reflux, cold sores, yeast & more.